Underclassman - A Filmless Review

Nicholas Scott Cannon.

A few years ago, when I first saw that "Your Pops Don't Like Me" video on MTV, it dawned on me that I had possibly missed something in regard to this Nick Cannon character. I had heard of the guy, but through some strange twist of fate (some would call it "aging") my Nickelodeon watching ceased JUST in time to have never seen Nick Cannon actually perform on a television show. Not even on "All That". As a result, I can't really give an opinion on his work there; outside of the fact that it allowed that horrendous song to be written, produced and piped into my ears... which means that I hated it (Although I must admit that the song he made with R. Kelly was pretty good; not that I can remember anything he said in it). I can't neglect to mention that pro-life song, Can I Live, that he put out recently with Anthony Hamilton. Something about thanking your mom for not aborting you nearly 30 years ago is kind of... weird? And the children's choir that joins in really puts it over the top. This is a "movie review", right? So I should probably get to that.

Ok, ok, sorry. But I've got to talk about his new show on MTV. To start with it's called "Wild 'N Out"; I guess in an attempt to sound urban and edgy. Here's the thing... the phrase they were shooting for is more like "Wildin' Out" or even "Wyling Out". "Wild 'N Out" is more like a late night program on Logo. (As of right now, that link doesn't make the reference obvious enough... people will figure it out) I'm gonna give him a pass on this though; that's probably more of a problem with stupid MTV executives than Nick Cannon failing miserably at trying to be "down". His lack of "down" comes through more in the actual content of the show. Some genius decided that this thing needed to be as urban as possible; complete with bad lighting, faux-brick set pieces, and a variation of this as one of the standard segments. The grand finale every week, I guess you would call it a battle rap relay, is always of extraordinarily high caliber because we all know that stand-up comedians and professional choreographers are so good at that sort of thing. It has its moments, primarily because of the guests that drop by being so bad at everything (Christina Milian is on the Alba Plan) but all in all it's not so good.

Now about that movie... Nick Cannon and his ridiculous moustache (pictured) play a detective going undercover as a student at a private high school to investigate a murder. The whole black comedian as a cop thing is very fresh and original, so I must give credit there. This isn't a dumb idea for a movie so much as a lame one. Judging by the fact that I don't remember seeing any commercials for it, and that it's a teen action-comedy releasing on September 2nd; this movie's assiness is guaranteed.


Next Week's Filmless Review: "THE MAN" STARRING SAMUEL L. JACKSON AND EUGENE LEVY. AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!!! ENGLISH MOTHER****ER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!?