King Kong

Also known as "Naomi Watts' Closeup"



I haven't done a "review" in a long time because, frankly, they're hard to do. Thinking up new ways to say that a movie sucks is not my idea of fun, and as such, I am not achieving the flow that I need to pump out such stirring literary content. How can this be addressed? By seeing a GOOD movie. How can this be addressed even more? By seeing a GOOD movie with Naomi Watts in it. I shouldn't need to explain, but I will anyway since I am untrusting of those around me; especially the 2-4 people that read this blog. It's because she's quite the looker.

Ms. Watts' beauty would normally not be mentioned so prominently in one of my writings, as such crass subject matter is below me. In this case however, I was clearly supposed to hit on this point, since director Peter Jackson decided that I needed to sit through roughly 40 minutes of extreme closeups on her face. I suppose that's a little more artistically valid than say, a cleavage or ass shot, but it's still sketch*. The main character is already a 30ft gorilla that is incapable of verbal communication, so the looooooong silent gazes upon Naomi's impeccably constructed features were not helpful as I quested to get through the 3-hour film in a fully conscious state.

Now, I have thus far refused to watch even a second of Jackson's Lord of The Rings trilogy, so I ask: does he normally do this? Did he have the camera leer at Liv Tyler for uncomfortably long amounts of time? I need to know if he actually was crushing on Naomi, or if he's just a closeup slut, jumping from one Hollywood starlet to the next. Ok, Liv Tyler isn't exactly a starlet, but you get the idea.

My last note is that Jack Black should never attempt to do a serious role again. He's just incapable; it almost ruined the entire thing for me. It's not that he was bad, it's just that I kept having flashbacks to the guy running around in his tighty whiteys in "Orange County"... didn't help that Colin Hanks was in both flicks as well.

* - I don't use this term or it's cousin "sketchy", but I decided to write it anyway