College life can be a harrowing experience. Everyone is taken out of their carefully constructed high school personas and forced to build up a brand new one for post-secondary school audiences. For a lot of people, this can be a great time to "bust out of their shells", or take the first steps away from what they're supposed to be, and towards what they want to be.
But what about the cool kids? I dumped head after head into public bathroom toilets. I practice my spitballing technique for hours on end, all to get that laugh in 3rd period math and a high five in the lunch line. I WORE TOMMY GEAR!
Well, fear not. If I've learned anything since high school, it's that coolness (and thus, happiness) can be achieved through the possession of a singular inanimate object... The red solo cup.
Why does it have to be a solo cup? Probably because they're cheap, but not too cheap. You want value, not cancer. Why red? Because red is the color of power, and power is what being cool is all about. Some may say that the red solo cup in itself is meaningless, and that the true secret resides within that plastic vessel. Perhaps alcohol is the answer. Alas, no. Alcohol may help make you more "interesting" for the moment, but it will not make you cool. What makes you cool is getting your picture taken with that telltale piece of plasticware in you hand. Make sure that there's plenty of red-eye in that photo too, because you're wasted and your pupils are incapacitated. One of those shell necklaces and an improperly positioned baseball cap are also suggested. If you're gonna imbibe, do it right! Let's wrap with a tribute in haiku form.
Oh, Red Solo Cup
Marker of prosperity
Cool kids are hella tight
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