I probably say this every season, but this year's Real World has been the best in a looooong time; if not ever. (No, wait -- what am I saying? Philadelphia was horrendous. That was a dud from day one... definitely never called that the best of anything.)
I. Melinda dumping "The One" in about 14 hours
It is scientific fact that you probably shouldn't even audition for Real World if you're in a "serious relationship"; let alone attempt to maintain that relationship once you get into the house. Guess what Melinda tried to do! Seriously -- do these people get cable? You can't tell me that Melinda OR her boyfriend (his name was definitely revealed on the show... But did I really care? No. Why? Because I knew he wouldn't matter for more than 4-5 episodes) thought they were gonna stick it out for 3 months; especially with her nymphomaniacal tendencies. This is the woman that was once seen in her casting tape screaming "I NEED ASS" and then going on to streak across a Wisconsin beach in broad daylight. That said; Melinda must have broken some kind of record this season. MTV makes a point of giving the viewer zero ability to determine how much "real time" has elapsed; but as far as I could tell, Melinda had punted "her soulmate" at about the 2:24 mark of Episode 1. I don't know whether to laugh, or to be disgusted. I guess Danny is just that damn good.
II. Danny breaking his face ON THE SECOND NIGHT IN AUSTIN
Everyone's favorite Peruvian deferred Columbia grad student named Johanna got a little "wild" on the first night (I seem to remember dancing on bars, bodyshots, random kissing -- all that good stuff), so she enlisted Nehemiah to watch out and make sure that she wouldn't do anything too crazy during her drunken blackouts. Of course, she gets epically drunk the next night and ends up trying to physically fight Nehemiah. Lucky for us; he decided to just leave the premises (some Austin club) ASAP. Danny and Wes (just as, if not more drunk than Johanna themselves) freak out when they hear about Nehemiah's escape, and proceed to crawl the streets of Austin asking "Have you seen a black guy?". I think I should repeat that one; but with style: They proceed to crawl the streets of Austin asking all within earshot, "Have you seen a black guy?" While carrying out this journey of stupidity, Danny runs across the wrong intoxicated frat boy and gets his orbital bone pulverized. Somehow he ends up blaming Nehemiah for this, drunkenly yells at him a bit, and has it all blown out of proportion by the good folks at MTV. Well, his eyes getting blown out of proportion kinda took care of itself, but the producers created the nehemiah thing. I'll get back to that in Part 2 (which may or may not ever be written)
Part 2 Coming When/If I Feel Like It...
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