I Want to be on Jeopardy!

I only used that exclamation point because the show is technically named "Jeopardy!", not because I'm SOOOOOO excited about this... although I am. Yeah.

In my years I have picked up a ludicrous amount of trivial knowledge. This is useful in some ways, but generally I'm holding back information from others because my pool of useless knowledge extends far beyond the point of being "cool". It's edging towards that "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" threshold. Seeing as this is both my gift and my curse, I think that at the very least I should use it to make some cash. Jeopardy! anyone?

Now, I'm not going to go nuts here and claim that I could win a standard game of Jeopardy!. There are days here and there where I could stay in the running, but not usually. However, I could definitely take some games during college week. I went so far as to sign up for the Jeopardy! College Week mailing list, but of course I haven't gotten a damn thing back; and it's been at least a year by now. How can I reach my dreams if Alex Trebek himself (oh, he definitely operates their e-mail services...) doesn't cooperate? HUH? I just want to get on Jeopardy, represent my school, and pocket some dough along the way. Is that so wrong? If I can't make a fool of myself on television, what is the point of knowing that Mayim Bialik was the actress that portrayed the lead character on "Blossom"? What other purpose could there possibly be for my knowing that Alexander Hamilton was born in Nevis? And more importantly, why the hell do I have to answer in the form of a question? And why was that a question? And this one too?

|t|r|i|v|i|a| is my anti-drug...