Prison: It's a Good Thing

For all these years I've been in the "avoid prison" camp. It's not particularly hard to stay on the path of lawfulness, so there's no need for applause (although I will accept if you insist). This way of life has served me fairly well, but recent events have shaken things up.

About a year and a half ago, Martha Stewart was found guilty on some (bogus) charges in relation to some shady business dealings. The "shady business dealings" that this investigation sprung from happen all the time without further incident, but the feds found the idea of tarnishing the image of Ms. Stewart too exciting to pass up. I personally thought the whole situation was a joke, but I also lack the intense hatred of Martha Stewart that so many people seem to share. That said, the idea of her in prison, country-club prison or not, was hilarious. It got even better when stories like "Stewart's prison nickname is M. Diddy" and a Christmas decorating contest defeat to a fellow inmate leaked into the press. To make a long story short (even though I never attempted to tell this story at any point in the post), this combination of a forced media hiatus and transformation into even more of a punchline had presumably derailed the M Train. Think again.

See, I overestimated the life-ending powers of prison. Normally a stay in a facility of that nature would follow you around for the rest of you life, crushing any chances of resuming a regular life. Normally you aren't Martha Stewart either. Not only did she get another crack at a daytime home improvement/decorating/cooking/crafts/whateverthehellshedoes show, but she ALSO broke into prime time, an arena that she could't get into for anything more than the occasional throwaway special in her pre-prison days. I was going to watch The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, but then I forgot and ended up watching this movie (it's decidedly ok).

I think we have all learned a lesson here. If you want to really go places in life, commit some kind of non-violent felony so that you too can go to country-club prison and then be released as a bigger star than ever. Or don't.