Into the Blue - Filmless Review

My feelings on Jessica Alba's acting chops should be pretty clear to those of you who follow this site (a-ha!). To make a not that long story short, she is a horrible actress that gets by on being hot. Now I want you to take a moment out, and try to imagine being Jessica Alba:

You know that you can't act or sing, and dance at a level that could maybe get you on Usher's tour bus as a groupie or something. You are also still extremely depressed about your years-ago breakup with Derek Jeter, just because he is so awesome. So the question now is: "How will I move forward in my career?". If you guessed "Be half-naked for 45 minutes in a movie that is vaguely about sharks or something", you are correct! "Into the Blue" is about divers finding buried treasure or some crap like that. I would go into more detail about the plot, if not for the epic effort by whatever butcher shop of a movie studio is underwriting this thing. There's a concerted effort to just push Alba in a swimsuit and keep details of the "storyline" as buried as possible. I pretty much exhausted my Alba-bashing in a previous post, so I'll talk about this Paul Walker guy a little (the one that isn't in a bikini... yeah, he's there. Just try to concentrate.)

Paul Walker's claims to fame are those Fast and the Furious movies that I will soon be identifying as the worst pieces of pop culture produced in the past 15-20 years in a future post. Of course, anytime I claim that a topic will be explored in a future post I'm essentially guaranteeing that you will never hear of it again from me... but I'll try really hard this time. Anyway, you know that any man with that kind of theatrical resume is going places. Ideally to a rehab center or purgatory, but "places" nonetheless.

In a way, Paul Walker is the male equivalent to Alba. He has no discernible talent outside of looking like an Abercrombie and Fitch model, yet he keeps getting work. The thing is that I know there is some level of idolization that goes on out there where teenage girls might flock to an Alba/Duff/Lohan flick just because they wish to support the actress. This doesn't happen with guys though. There will be no males running the cinemas tomorrow in order to catch a glimpse of Paul Walker in action because he's so "empowered" or whatever. This leaves me with no choice but to ONCE AGAIN indict the entertainment industry as a whole for allowing teenage girls to run the show. Paul Walker has no business being an actor. Not only that, but from what I've gleamed in interviews and such, he probably has no business with anything more than working retail at The Gap or being one of those creepy clothes models on QVC. I would make a plea to all of the 13-20 year old females out there to boycott this film and start up change in our media, but I don't think we're working that demo very well.