Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man's Chest

I saw this one on opening night, so this update is a bit late. Shut it.

I must say, while I did not dislike this film, I was a bit disappointed. For one thing, I feel like I could have used a refresher on POTC1 before going into the theater. Is it my fault that I couldn't immediately identify returning characters or instantly break down the connections being made on screen? Yeah, probs... so what? Shouldn't a movie-- even a sequel like this one-- be able to stand on its own two feet? Far too often, POTC2 asked the audience to bring everything together on their own. Maybe I'm just lazy.

Johnny Depp is really great as Captain Jack Sparrow, but that is to be expected. He does his thing, you watch, we all leave happy. Orlando Bloom could be doing more, but the expectations aren't really there. Keira Knightley isn't on screen very often, but she gets the job done when she's there. I could have used more screen time, regardless of what she was going to say.

Let me also note that the (I guess) Jamaican guy that appeared for one scene was completely incomprehensible and took me out of the moment. This was a pretty random cut to start with, and then when I was hit in the face with the Queen's Patois, I just about wet myself. Fix that on the DVD.


All in all, a solid lead in to POTC3, coming next year. It's a bit cheap to make an entire movie that serves simply as the bridge between the first and third installments of a trilogy, but this is Hollywood '06 baby!

Superman Returns

Well, I flooded this blog with Superman Returns posts a while back... and dammit, it paid off.

I saw this one, a practice that is becoming increasingly common (the joys of summer), and was throughly impressed. I didn't want to lead on, but I was a bit concerned about how this film would turn out. Bryan Singer has been nothing but capable in his past work, but the Kent/Kal-El of this quasi-sequel to Superman II concerned me. Brandon Routh? Who?

Superman... that's who. I don't want to gush, but he fills the boots left behind by the late Christopher Reeve ably. In fact, he fills them more than ably. Though I cannot say that he brought anything inventive or new to the work, he plays the role one would expect to a T. He is awkward and bumbling as Kent, yet gracefully powerful as the Man of Steel. The action is spectacular, with the flying CG working at an almost disturbingly high level. Routh soars, and it all feels possible, if not believable.

Kevin Spacey (Lex Luthor) and Parker Posey (Kitty Kowalski) turn in the kind of scenery-chewing performances required to accent this film that can be best described as "grand". Mountains rise, airplanes plummet, and globes fall, all to be addressed by the man in tights. One of my lone complaints is barely one, as the sight of Kal "Kumar" Penn as a Luthor henchman is offputting-- doubly so when he makes his move upon the hero.

in the pantheon of superhero films, this one stands tall, eclisping the increasingly overrated Batman Begins, but falling just short of the celluloid brilliance of Spiderman 2. See it, see it now. As the taglines say, you will believe that a man can fly.

X-Men 3

I really enjoyed this one. Now, some people, including some of those I saw this with, will have a problem with the liberties taken with the storyline to put together a film version that works. I've always felt that film adaptations are meant to be interpretations of the soure material, rather than a blow-by-blow reenactment. In that sense, I had little problem with what went down here. Shock? At times, yes. Resentment or anger? No.

However, I don't want to give the impression that I would agree with just anything. I've heard stories about early drafts of the new Superman movies that involved radical changes to the costume and his powers. I don't even like Superman (I guess you wouldn't pick that up from the 19 posts I've made about the new movie), but I would have had a problem dealing with that. Deviation from the canon is fine, i.e. Spiderman having organic webbing, but I don't want to see him flying and shooting fireballs or something stupid like that.

This is apparently the biggest movie ever, so you'll probably have your own views on what happened. I don't want to spoil the plot, so let's just say that it was "eventful". There was less attention paid to developing the story than in 1 and 2, but this is just something that we had to expect from Brett Ratner. He can blow things up well, and construct the huge, sweeping, epic scene... but don't ask the man to flesh-out a character.

It also felt like it could have been longer, which is a RARE feeling to leave a theater with. Word on the internets is that a lot of footage was cut from the final version, including a lot of character development- especially around Collusus. Director's Cut DVD anyone?


Rating: 8/10

In Other News... She Punches Like A Girl

But boy does she do it in style! I'm sure everyone and their sociopathic mom has seen this piece of video before... but not like this.

By the way, if you've ever wondered what "punching like a girl" is supposed to mean, take notes now. With proper form, she could have at least taken a few teeth out.






I keep telling myself that I hate this song, but it won't stay dead.

The 80s Were Terrible: #4

The Internets

Imagine being an adolescent in say... 1985. What do you do? Everyone in pro sports is either a coke-head or a 'roid-rager, and the transcendent 1986 Mets team (with coke falling out of their ears) hasn't happened yet. Sports are out.

As previously mentioned, since these are the 80s, all of the music sucks and your clothes are ugly. Two more strikes.

I guess you can go watch some movies; (this is the only cultural area where the 80s can stand up a bit) not that Sixteen Candles and Young John Cusack movies are examples of fine cinema, but at least they weren't bad.

What I'm getting at is that you won't see "facebook stalk that girl in ec class", or "post another incredibly self-indulgent blog entry" pop up on the list of things to do, since there was a distinct lack of internets at this time. What we do know is that the 80s were when the embryonic internets were being developed, so I'm gonna go ahead and blame them for it. Remember, no research happening here.

Some of you may be thinking that the internets are a good thing. They allow you to do things like stalk that girl in ec class that wears her hair to the side in that certain sexy way, you know, the one with the wal... sorry. Umm, I mean, they let you access important information so quickly! And connect to people across the globe that you would never meet otherwise! Two problems:

1. If you need to research for an academic paper, you should probably be going to the library, not sitting on your couch trolling wikipedia in one window while "kitten cannon" runs in another background.

2. Pretty much everyone on the internet is male, white, 13 years old, and from Arizona. Sorry, that's how it is, and all of those "Swedish people" you meet on the internet are just the aforementioned 13 year olds looking for cybersex. You're not breaking any cultural barriers... that is unless you're one of those a-holes that has a thing against Tempe. I SEE YOU.


So I have completely discredited any attempts to credit the internet with anything even remotely positive. The next step is to show that it is actually a detriment to society.

MySpace. If you watch Dateline NBC you know that MySpace consists entirely of two userbases: 1) Delinquent, over-sexed 12 year old girls posting thong pics on their little personal page next to embedded Fall Out Boy videos and 2) 32 year old truckers trying* to have sex with those 12 year old delinquents.

This is seriously the most disturbing thing happening in our society right now. The fact that only Dateline has been brave enough to take on and present this to a national audience sickens me, and leads me to strongly question the integrity of our media today.

I mean, Fall Out Boy sucks really badly.**



* - Not so much "trying" as "doing it with ease on a regular basis"

** - This is a joke, people. Embedded video content that auto-plays when you open a page sucks too.

*** - Pedophilia is very bad.